When a relationship ends, the desire for the breakup is often one-sided. Mutual breakups happen, but they’re the exception rather than the rule. Regardless of who ended the relationship, at some point, you or your ex might want to try again.
If you find yourself wanting to get back together with a former love, it might be a good time to do a little soul searching.
Ask yourself these questions before you consider getting back together:
1. Why did the relationship end?
There was a reason why things ended. What was it? If you didn’t understand the issue back then, you probably won’t be able to assess whether things have a better chance of working the second time around. Reflect on the old relationship.
2. Has anything changed?
If nothing has changed, the outcome will likely be the same.
Remember that you can only change yourself.
3. Can you do better?
Sometimes, we choose to be with someone rather than be alone. There are many fish in the sea. Avoid settling for someone you are incompatible with and move on.
- If you were confident you could find someone else, would this person still interest you?
After you figure out if reconnecting with your ex is a good idea, you have to reach a final decision. If you’re still convinced that you’d like to rekindle your broken romance, there are several steps you can take.
Keep these suggestions in mind if you’re trying to get your ex back:
1. Refrain from begging or appearing desperate.
Desperation is unattractive. It’s also a bad precedent to set in your relationship. Instead, be patient and wait for things to happen naturally. The likelihood of success is greater when the other person meets you halfway.
2. Avoid playing games.
Your ex is likely to see through any of your schemes or games. Keep everything above board. You probably won’t be able to fool them anyway.
3. Show rather than tell.
Avoid telling your ex how much you’ve changed. Show them. Talk is cheap, and it’s difficult to fake it for long.
- For example, if you’re planning to be friendly to their friends this time around, go out with the group and be pleasant.
- Actions speak louder than words. Show them just how much you’ve grown.
4. Say you’re sorry when the situation calls for it.
You know when the other person deserves an apology. Be the kind of person who can admit fault and apologize. It can help your relationship more than you realize.
5. Try some romance.
A heartfelt gesture can go a long way toward mending broken fences and rekindling romantic feelings. A long letter can be a great way to get started.
6. Let go of the past.
It’s important to keep in mind that your old relationship doesn’t exist anymore. It’s necessary to create a new connection. Move forward with a relationship that’s free of any negatives from the past.
7. Try something new.
Go to new places and try some different activities. If you’re in a new environment, you’ll likely be viewed in a fresh way. Keep the good and ditch the bad.
8. Remember the good things.
Bring up positive memories from the past. Remind each other of the good times and you’ll both start to remember your connection. A shared past isn’t easily forgotten.
Figuring out if you want to give your ex another chance is a big decision. Getting back together with an ex can be challenging, but sometimes it can be a great idea. Just ensure it’s in everyone’s best interest. Some breakups might be best left in the past, but others could be worth revisiting. Just have a plan and take things slowly. In this case, the second time could be the charm.